spirituality

The Blessing of Insomnia

~ Seleste Sault ~ Leave a comment

I am a chronic insomnia sufferer. I always have been. And maybe it’s how busy my days are, or how many children depend on me right now, but I’ve found that I’m more and more annoyed by my body’s refusal to get with the program. I have a job to do! Chores to get done! Hobbies I would like to have time and energy for! And most importantly, people in my life who I am responsible for, and who deserve better than for me to be grumpy with them all day. I don’t have time to be tired.

Since childhood, when I can’t sleep, I’ve turned to reading. And since 2015, when I can’t sleep, I turn to reading Psalms. Psalms always point me back to a place of peace. It is gently instructional as only poetry can be. There I can find acknowledgment of the heaviness of the world, along with reminders of God’s constant goodness and His justice.

So last night when I realized that sleep wasn’t happening, I did what I always do. I complained. I thought about all the things I had to do today asked God if He couldn’t maybe give me a break for once (just being real. We all get a little dramatic when we’re sleepy, amiright?). Then I grabbed my quiet time stuff and went to the living room.

I start Bible time with prayer. I’ve found that I absorb a lot more if I invite Holy Spirit to read with me. And I start prayer with thanksgiving, which is what my dad taught me to do when I was young.

“Thank you, Father,” I paused. “Please show me the things I can be thankful for.” Because I know that my Father is good, and He doesn’t mind giving reminders.

I thanked God for my family, my children, my home, and then God brought something I’ve never thanked Him for to mind. Insomnia.

Thank you, Father, for insomnia. For the blessing of being awake when no one else is. For these precious, quiet moments alone with You. For the right to come before You as Your child and say, “I can’t sleep. Can I sit with You awhile?” And have You hold me. Thank you for this stillness. For the opportunity to spend time with You uninterrupted by noises (joyful or otherwise), by the needs of my little disciples, by messes and meetings and deadlines. Thank you for the darkness that leads me to seek Your light. I find my peace and my rest in You. Sometimes in the busyness of day-to-day life, I forget how close You are. But here in the quiet when it’s just You and me, I remember. Thank you for this beautiful gift. Thank you for insomnia.

I’m not resigned to suffering. I look forward to one day praising God for healing and sleeping a glorious eight hours a night. But while I’m here, I will praise the Lord. There is never a season that He is not worthy.

Dear Biblical Woman, please Don’t serve like Martha.

~ Seleste Sault ~ Leave a comment

I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram the other day (bad habit, I know), when I saw an ad for a shirt praising Biblical women and their notable attributes. It was cute. It said,

Sacrifice like Esther

Love like Ruth

Serve like Martha

Believe like Mary

Dance like Miriam

I got a little tripped up on “Serve like Martha.” I had to read it twice. Yep, it said what I thought it said. Then I had to check my own heart. Was I right to have a problem with this? After all, some company making Bible t-shirts would surely know better than me what makes for a Biblical woman, right? Serving is a good thing! Martha worked hard. That’s good, right? 

     No, I reminded myself. I know my Bible. And I know that story well. You can find it in Luke 10:38-41. I use the Complete Jewish Bible, which uses the Jewish names: Yeshua for Jesus, Marta for Martha, and Miryam for Mary. The story is the same no matter which version you read from 😉

    On their way, Yeshua and his talmidim came to a village where a woman named Marta welcomed them into her home. She had a sister called Miryam who also sat at the Lord’s feet and heard what he had to say. But Marta was busy with all the work to be done, so, going up to him, she said, “Sir, don’t you care that my sister has been leaving me to do all the work by myself?” However, the Lord answered her, “Marta, Marta, you are fretting and worrying about so many things! But there is only one thing that is essential. Miryam has chosen the right thing, and it won’t be taken away from her.”

    That’s pretty clear. Martha wanted Mary to “Serve like Martha,” but Jesus corrected her. “Only one thing is essential, and Mary has chosen the right thing,” Only one thing is essential, and it wasn’t what Martha was doing. 

    Serving like Martha means serving at the expense of your precious time with Jesus. It means prioritizing your position over His presence. It’s actually something I see a lot of in the church world. We know it is good to serve, and that Jesus wants us to be like Him and lead lives of service (Matt. 20:26-28). On top of that, it fits American culture pretty well to glorify those who work hard, even to the detriment of their own health. We’ve learned to recognize godly men and women by the amount of service they give. How many hours they commit to volunteer work. How many meals they bring to a struggling neighbor. 

    This is where it gets a little tricky. Serving is good. Godly men and women DO serve, and should. If you’re not involved in any ministries in your church, I have questions. Martha was not wrong to invite Jesus and his disciples into her home. She wasn’t wrong to want to serve. And there certainly was a lot of work to be done; hosting an extra 13+ people is a challenge! But her service was not what the moment called for.

    Jesus was there, in her home, teaching. She had access to His words and His heart, and she was too distracted by her to-do list to notice what she was missing out on. Only one thing was essential. It wasn’t the chores.

We face the same temptations today. Christ lives within us. His presence is accessible to us in all moments, and His words are right at our fingertips. Our distractions are real. Our to-do lists and responsibilities are real. Are we going to make them our priority and miss the one essential thing, or will we listen to Jesus and put His presence above it all?

Do serve. Please. But don’t Serve like Martha.

Why I have started covering my head (almost) all the time

~ Seleste Sault ~ Leave a comment
About 6 weeks ago in a private prayer time, Holy Spirit nudged me to cover my head.
I take being a servant of Christ Jesus seriously and have learned that He knows what He’s talking about, so I did it. Immediately, I felt my connection to God grow stronger.
I described it to Jeremy as being like a tea kettle with a lid on- quicker to boil and with redirected steam. That analogy may not make sense to some of you, but if you’ve felt it, I think you’ll know what I mean.
     I started wearing a hat every time I prayed and prophesied, and for worship at church where I often pray and prophesy. I found myself hearing the Lord better, and speaking and singing more confidently what He put on my heart.
     Now, I am a very intuitive, feelings-driven person, but I am also very logical. If you Myers-Briggs, I’m an INFJ. I was happy with the “results” of my head covering experiment, but I wanted to know WHY. While Google led me to many reasons women of other faiths and spiritualities cover their heads, some of the Christian sources were old dudes insisting on women accepting their inferiority and donning a head covering. That almost made me want to quit, because I am NOT about that! I believe that a real look at God’s creation of and interaction with women shows how incredibly valuable we are to Him. God is very pro-woman 🙂
     I’m not going to go into it too deeply here because I am a working mother of 4+ with limited free time, and other people explain it better anyway, but through a couple word studies and tons of Biblical research I found good answers. Many of you are probably familiar with Paul’s teaching in 1 Cor. 11, but that’s only part of it! Made short, it’s about my identity in Christ. It’s a spiritual sign of the authority I have as a daughter of the King, and how to use the power I have been given. It’s about committing myself to walk in His ways.Keep His commandments. He built me to pray and prophesy and I do so in His name. It is more than a symbol, just as baptism is more than a symbol.
Something supernatural is happening when I cover my head.
     “That’s all well and good for prayer and worship,” you might say, “but why do it all the time?” I have three pretty simple reasons for that. First is that I pray all the time. I didn’t realize how constantly I pray until I decided to cover my head, honestly. I kept catching myself praying and then stopping to grab a hat or scarf. I know I didn’t have to stop, but as I’ve said, it truly does make my prayers more effective.
     The second is that I am more sensitive to the promptings of Holy Spirit with my head covered. I just am. I notice more what He is doing in a situation and respond more quickly. My spiritual senses are more focused. I don’t know exactly why, although I do have theories (I may write more on that in the future). I feel closer to God with my head covered, and I want to be close to Him all the time.
     Third, and this goes hand in hand with why I switched from an inconspicuous beanie to a more obviously religious covering, it is a constant reminder that I am acting as a representative of the Kingdom of God. Whether your head is covered or not, if you are a follower of Christ, then you are an ambassador of His Kingdom. To your co-workers, to your family and friends, and if you are a parent, to your children. This has been helping me keep that in mind, making me think twice about my words, my tone, and my actions.
     You might notice I left out modesty. That’s because I don’t see this as a modesty thing. It may have been at one point in history, but now there are many wonderful and modest women who keep their hair down and uncovered.
     This is not a hard and fast rule. I may not keep to it 100% of the time, and I’m definitely not saying every woman should go cover their heads right now. I believe in seeking God wholeheartedly, and this is what He has led me to. It’s funny how controversial this is, especially since it’s a personal wardrobe choice. I’ll get the common questions out of the way now by saying
NO, I’m not oppressed, YES, I believe in equality for men and women,
NO, my husband isn’t making me do this, YES, he is supportive of my choice.
If you have more questions, I would love to discuss it!